I'll Think of You That Way
by JustEs
Summary: My first try at a songfic. A year after the Charmed Ones vanquished Cole, Phoebe tries to get passed her anger and her pain.


**A/N: This is my first try at a songfic. I heard this song on Carolyn Dawn Johnson's CD "A Room With a View" and it just made me think of Phoebe and Cole. In order to make it work, it assumes that once Phoebe and her sisters vanquished Cole when he was possessed by The Source, he stayed vanquished, so none of the horrible events of early Season Five ever happened--unlike in Season Five, this Phoebe has done nothing to ask Cole forgiveness for.**

_DISCLAIMER:_ I don't own anything Charmed. Phoebe Halliwell and Cole Turner are characters owned by Spelling Productions and The WB. The song "I'll Think of You That Way" is copyrighted by Carolyn Dawn Johnson and April Blue Music 

**I'LL THINK OF YOU THAT WAY  
by Esmeralda **

Phoebe looked at the calendar and then put her hand to her stomach. Cole. A year had gone by since she had vanquished the man she once thought she'd always love and lost the child that they had made together, the only child she'd ever carried. How very much she had once loved him, but how much she still hated his guts with all her soul.

_There must have been a reason  
We first got together  
There must have been a reason  
We used to talk "forever"  
It's hard to see it now 'cause it's easier to think  
Of what went wrong _

Just thinking of all the horrible things Cole had done to her and her sisters when he was the Source made her get mad all over again. How could he have believed the Seer? How could he have ever become the Source of All Evil? How could he have turned her--the woman he was supposed to love--evil, made her his evil queen, turned her against her own sisters? Why hadn't he told her; why hadn't he let her and her sisters help him fight that evil within him, the evil that would've eventually killed her and her sisters had they not vanquished him?

_I could keep pointing fingers  
I could stay mad as hell _

But a year had passed. Phoebe had tried to go out with a lot of guys, but each time they'd end up doingsomething that reminded her of Cole, whichwould make her angry at Cole all over again, and she'd find herself breaking up with theguy, angry at the memory. Somewhere inside she knew that there was just one way to really be able to get passed this, to truly be able to find love again.

_Just let my anger linger  
But as far as I can tell  
I've just got to let it go  
If I wanna move on _

Getting up, she walked over and took out a photo album, one that she hadn't looked in for a full year. In it were pictures from the best year of her life, even if it included losing her big sister. She looked at picture after picture showing her and Cole together, showing them happy together, showing them in love.

_So I'll think about how you made me laugh  
Not think about how you made me cry  
Think about how we once swore  
We'd love each other til we die_

_Forget about who's to blame  
And just remember your smiling face  
It's the choice I've had to make  
So I'll think of you that way _

The more she looked at those pictures, the more she remembered the fun they had, how close they were, the times he had saved her and her sisters from evil, and the fact that he had become human for her. The more she thought of these memories, the more she found herself setting aside the anger she'd held onto for a full year. As she set aside that anger, she found that she could look back fondly, look back with love.

_Seems like I paint you now  
In colors of forgiveness  
I've lost the pain somehow  
And in its place there is this  
Part of me that sees you in the light  
I saw you in before _

Phoebe slowly closed the photo album and hugged it to herself. "Good-bye, Cole," she whispered. "For what we once were, I forgive you for what you did. I'll try to stop thinking about how much you hurt me and instead try to remember all the good times. Despite everything, I love you. I'll always love the man you were, not the evil you became," and she put the album on her end table, where she would see it and look at it often--look at it and remember.

_So I'll think about how you made me laugh  
Not think about how you made me cry  
Think about how we once swore  
We'd love each other til we die_

_Forget about who's to blame  
And just remember your smiling face  
It's the choice I've had to make  
Yes, it's the choice I've had to make  
So I'll think of you that way _


End file.
